The new year is just around the corner, which of course means a time for reflection on the past 365 days. But not just the past 365 days, because it’s about to be 2020! The cap to a decade and summation of 10 years of experience and learning. With particular emphasis on the latter. This time of year tends to bring forth a lot of sayings, which I understand can be cliche, overdone, and/or vaporous. But in this case, I found value in a few of them to give meaning to some pretty big lessons I’ve taken in. And in putting these down on paper so-to-speak, I hope this can be a sort of set of guidelines to follow in ’20.
“Age ain’t nothing but a number.”
Whoever coined this phrase knew a thing or two, though I’m not going to talk about the vitality in our years...but rather the expectations in our years.
Being 29 and meeting someone meant it was the right time because this ‘felt’ like a good age to be gearing up towards marriage. (Spoiler alert – I did not end up getting married – and in fact lost a lot of myself in the process trying to make this puzzle piece fit.)
Then, when I was 32 I met someone who was 37, and boy was I excited. Finally, this guy would be mature, emotionally intelligent, and ready for the next step! (Spoiler alert – this thinking was *slightly* flawed). Being a certain age does not mean that you’ve sorted through the various demons that prevent us from meaningful connection. Or that you’re the right one for that person. Or anything, really.
What a difficult lesson to learn. But ultimately, what I’d like to bring into the next decade is focusing on how I feel and not how I believe things should be.
“Trust your gut.”
If I had, maybe I could have avoided the worst date ever (no joke – I actually had to be rescued). Many of you know this story, but for those that don’t, it involves a tiki bar and a guy who was allergic to his sheets.
Because I did, I avoided going on a second date with someone who turned out to have a known history of sexual harassment. Always Google your dates, friends. And then use the barrel Bitmoji if needed.
Maybe because the voice is very faint sometimes, or because hindsight is 20-20, or because everyone has advice for you – but this is much easier said than done. I’m still navigating these waters, but in matters of the heart particularly, I tend to think the strongest voice is your own.
“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”
A best friend recently told me, when we were musing upon my single status, that she thought it might be because I stayed a little too long with the wrong people. It got me thinking about my relationships this past decade, and I noticed that doubt and effort were always central tenets. I don’t want to make it seem like being with someone isn’t work, because I know that it is sometimes. But working together is different from a) working for someone to see your value or b) working for someone to love you in the way you want to be loved. Goal for next year: a hydrated horse.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
SCENE: trendy cocktail bar on the first level of a swanky downtown hotel. Girl walks in, running late – sees guy sitting alone behind glass partition – makes a beeline towards him. Girl and guy start to chat. Guy asks girl about marketing job. Girl does not have marketing job…oh shit. Wrong date. Girl proceeds to find correct guy. Drinks ensue.
I like to end on a light note 😊 In all seriousness, though, this did actually happen. While #2 date wasn’t the love of my life, I still think this is a fitting message to end on. What else can we do, really, but put ourselves out there and try?
Do any other pearls of wisdom come to mind based on your experiences in the 2010s? I’d love to hear them, or any other important lessons you’ve picked up!
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