In 2021, I read more than one book that begs the question, how would life be different had we made different choices?
I think we've all probably paused here or there to think about the big ones, such as pursuing one career or life path over the other (see: Midnight Library). But what about the little ones? Like when you're out one evening at a birthday party, do you go home with your friend when she's ready to leave, or do you stay behind and see how things evolve with an old flame who showed up (see Maybe in Another Life)?
Yowza (I know I likely just riled up some #mems for all of you). How do we make sense of all these possibilities?
On the one hand, there's the idea that events are "fixed" or determined by natural forces. It's kind of comforting, right, that ultimately you end up where you're supposed to be? That no matter how messy things get or how you arrive from point A to point B to point C, point C is your destiny. It simplifies the what if game, which I'm not sure most of us have the mental capacity to play given the average human makes 35,000 choices per day. One personal example of this (at least I like to think so)? When I lost my job back in 2011.
It was quite unexpected, as I had just started in the position six months prior, and had been given positive feedback about my performance. However, the company restructured, and eliminated my role (really, enveloped the function into another position at the company, held by someone more senior than I). I was laid off, 10 days before Christmas.
It was pretty devastating at the time, but had I not been unemployed and at what felt like rock bottom, I would not have considered an internship at a company I'd been following for a while. Definitely not at age 25, when I'd been there/done that. But this internship turned into a job. Which turned into my start in event planning. Which turned into my career, and the success I've had. Separately, but maybe just as important, it led me to some of my really close friendships today. This feels a little fateful, right?
On the other hand, what about agency? With agency, there's hope. And don't we need hope for survival? Additionally, there's something to be said for effort and merit. It'd be nice to know that wins could be attributed to these, and not just part of a plan. To know that the people and things in our life can be just so; not conduits, or lessons, or serving some other greater purpose. Now that I think about it, not embracing the idea of creating your destiny is actually kind of un-American.
"Excuse me. We interrupt this broadcast [er, blog post] for a quick science break..."
If you are at all familiar with quantum mechanics, you may acknowledge there is even the possibility that there are many worlds which exist in parallel at the same space and time as our own; i.e. you did make the decision to get on that train yet there is also the you that stayed behind. Admittedly most of this is way out of my league, but if the concept intrigues you, this article breaks it down pretty nicely.
So where am I going with this? Well, it's a new year, and that typically means reflecting on the prior year and then setting goals for this one. And that can definitely call into question the choices you've made (or didn't make) and the approach you take to the blank 365-day canvas up ahead. In general, most resolutions are action-oriented - e.g. "I want to travel" or "I want to lose weight," etc. - reaching for something we don't have that we'd like.
But what if we already had everything we are meant to be (and that we could need or want) inside of us? It requires some awareness, and may need drawing out. But once we become content with this idea and trust it, that is when destiny supposedly truly unfolds. And part of this view is believing it wants to unfold for you; it does not have a win/lose philosophy.
This outlook keeps finding me lately, and I'm starting to wonder if I should pay attention. I'm always so busy trying to create life, instead of allowing it to happen to me. I explored the idea of being still in an earlier post, but I think this goes beyond that. It's not just pausing an activity here or there, it's shifting your whole mindset and ceasing to try and manifest outcomes.
It feels a little flowery to me, but perhaps I could use flowery. We could all use flowery after the past couple of years, don't you think? A fresh perspective, then, is I guess my one resolution.
But just in case, I may on occasion try leaving when I want to stay. Or staying when I want to leave...
How are you starting the new year? Does anything keep coming up for you, as it did me? I would love to hear your thoughts or ideas in the comments.
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