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Writer's pictureJulie Kay

Do you like piña coladas?

Updated: Jul 21, 2021

I've been watching the TV show Red Oaks, and the father in the show, Sam - recently divorced - is urged by a coworker to get back in the game. Sam says it's been ages since he dated and he has no idea what you're supposed to do. He jests that he should put out a personal ad referencing the popular Rupert Holmes song, 'Escape' (the show takes place in the 80s). Strangely, I found myself wishing for these times and methods again.


First, there's the mystery of it. In today's modern online dating, I can know where you grew up, where you went to school, where you work, your religion, whether you smoke or drink, whether or not you want kids, and the list goes on. Not to mention, I can glean from photos whether or not you have tattoos, what countries you've visited, and often, your dog's name. A little information never hurt anyone, but how cool is it to slowly uncover these things in someone you are excited about?


There's also something wonderfully uncomplicated about it all. When you have limited real estate -say 3-4 sentences amongst 100 other hopefuls looking for love, companionship, or furniture - you've gotta get to the point quickly. How do you use that space? What's most important to convey in a few lines? Arguably, stating what you're seeking feels more effective than putting yourself on display.


I pulled a couple of gems from the internet so you could see what I mean:


Way Way Back (1835)

--> Even in the 1800s, she's got SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely). Go girl!


Way Back (1924)

--> TWO beautiful blue eyes??? No way!


Back (1990s)

For Your Eyes Only — Optometrist — can write prescription for looking at life through rose-colored lenses. Single Jewish male, 29, Cornell grad, muscular, 6’, nonsmoker. For RX to happy times, write with snapshot. 8655

--> Very on-brand, I appreciate this!


All of this got me thinking about what my 'personal ad' would be these days, so I put a little something together. Maybe I delete the apps altogether and send the boys here...


Active, 34-year-old female seeking emotionally available man aged 30-40. Must be up for lots of adventures, far away in addition to 'around town.' Someone who enjoys coffee, cocktail, and conversation. Please have a good heart and for the love of God, plan a date. Let's get ready to laugh and try to keep our hands off each other.


How do you think I did? Would it bring anyone to the yard? ;)

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