Sometimes you find pearls of wisdom in the most unexpected of conversations.
We started going back to the office on Tuesdays/Thursdays last week (and will be full-time by mid-August). Wrapping my head around this after nearly 1.5 years of working at my kitchen counter could probably be a post in and of itself, but for now, I'm chuckling at simple things I haven't done in so long - like packing a lunch or styling an outfit.
The other day, I needed to pick up something from the university's police commander, and we wound up catching up for about a half hour. Normally, we'd see each other at least once a week, but with the pandemic it has been much fewer and farther in between. He is the opposite of what you might expect of a man of such authority - approachable, warm, gregarious - and we talked about family, vacation plans, and upcoming work events. Then, the conversation took a slight turn.
He asked (not for the first time, I might point out!), "Wait...aren't you married?!" In all fairness, I wear two family heirloom rings on my left-hand middle finger, and the sparkle in nearly the right spot likely triggered the question. Though, at this point, the idea that someone aside from your own parents thinking that you could be marriage material is comforting.
This prompted a response along the lines of "No, I'm not. I'm trying! It's rough out there...blah blah blah." I described my most recent date, in which I got continuously interrupted. Where is the BKE [Big Kamala Energy] when you need it?
And the guy before that, whom I met at a German beer hall. I'll call him the 'socially-awkward complainer,' ("this bar is so dead," "ugh, this fly won't go away," etc.) who noted just how much of the giant pretzel we ordered I was able to take down. Whether with awe or disgust, I'm not sure.
Rough is a bit of an understatement, eh?
So back to the wonderful nugget the commander bestowed upon me - the title of this post. Now he, being a spiritual guy, added something along the lines of "and let God's plan unfold." I myself am not very religious, but I can appreciate the notion of something larger than yourself at work. Call it order, call it the universe, whatever.
Something struck me about be still. Maybe, because I rarely am? I thrive on being busy, making plans, crossing this or that off the list, and generally buzzing around whenever possible. [You can guess how the pandemic went for me...] Even on a day off of work, I will typically have a plan, even if that plan is just to indulge in some self-care activities.
The Enneagram Institute has helped me name/understand my personality, which is Type 3 (Achiever). Threes are goal-driven, equipped with the Type A mentality and a relentless drive for self-improvement. Productivity and achievement take the cake as the Achievers’ core values. [If you're not familiar with the assessment, I highly encourage you to take it!]
I promise I'm getting to the point.
When it comes to dating, I have the same operating system. Like probably most people, I wish I could meet someone organically, but I'm also realistic that this is a challenge. Thus, I spend a lot of time swiping left & right and going on dates. I'm not always in the mood and it often feels as though I'm running in circles, but being goal-oriented, it's at least some kind of progress, right? The pragmatist in me also knows that I can't complain about singledom if I'm not doing anything about it. Though in this situation, and this goes against everything we are taught from a young age, output doesn't always lead to results.
All that to say, it'll be difficult, but I think I'm going to take the commander's word. Give the apps a rest for a bit. It's like he gave me some kind of permission I didn't even know I needed. Friends have said as much before, but for some reason, it landed differently. What if, this time, the accomplishment lies in absence of action? Anyway, I'm going to be still, and commit to three weeks of this. I was going to offer a month, but even that feels scary to me, particularly because that just about brings me to 35.
Dare I say it could even be fun? For one, people used to meet IRL all the time. Maybe not having the crutch of hundreds of anonymous faces just waiting inside a little box on my phone will encourage me to be more present and bold in my daily activities. Second, Chicago summer is the best time of year! This will allow me to focus on what's left of my bucket list (and my tan). Third, it relieves So. Much. Pressure. Pressure to spend time on Hinge every day. Pressure to be witty. Pressure to not reveal too much. Pressure to not pass on the very person who could be your match if only you could meet in person!
I'll be sure to check in with the results of said experiment down the line. In the meantime, how can you apply be still to your life? I think it definitely has a broader reach than just dating. Let me know in the comments--
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